The Power of Conversation
A neglected life skill, and taken for granted. Often riddled with assumptions unfortunately. It’s the life blood of our relationships and an effective team. A vehicle of communication to be informed on one level and about influencing others on another level. However, “Communication happens at the psychological level, not at the verbal level” It’s how you say what you say. The essence of communication is intention. Our way of conversing is therefore directly influenced by our intentions. It is the most powerful way to relate with others to bring about both personal and interpersonal transformation. Characterised by our ability to speak and listen, a dialogue not a monologue. It involves asking questions for which you don’t have any answers forcing you to listen – to connect. Connecting is our ability to give someone unconditional space to speak, not to judge.
Some Useful Key Tips:
The Right Timing – If you want a positive outcome, this can be dependent on getting the timing right. Think about the other person and what would be best for them at the time. It will enable the listener to be more amenable to your request for a conversation or any feedback you may want to offer, especially if you are going to discuss a sensitive issue.
Be Present – The key to an effective conversation is to be fully present in the here and now. It requires making a conscious decision to give the other person your undivided attention. Making the other person feel he or she is the only person in the room is important. It is also a sign of respect.
Be Empathetic – Empathy is our ability to sense other people’s emotions and understand how they may be feeling. It’s about seeing things from another person’s perspective and imagining ourselves in their position. Being empathetic enables us to better “read” another person’s inner state, to interpret and accommodating it.
Listen Actively – Active listening enables us to listen with purpose and with a deep desire to want to really hear what someone else is saying. Paraphrasing demonstrate understanding as well as using non-verbal cues such as nodding, eye contact and leaning forward. Brief verbal affirmations also help to encourage people to be more open and share what is on their mind and how they feel.
Challenge Assumptions & Be Curious – We all hold unconscious beliefs and biases, and this is triggered by making quick judgements and assessments of people and situations. Often this is influenced by our own background, societal stereotypes and personal experiences. Being aware of and challenge our biases about people and stereotyping are necessary. Be curious about where someone is coming from and how it affects them enhances the quality of the conversation.
Respect Silence – How comfortable are you with a pause in a conversation and a moment of silence? In an attempt to be helpful, sometimes we may feel the urge to fill the void and jump in to finish people’s sentences, offer advice, or even interrupt. It gives someone the space to collect their thoughts and feel calm. It also communicates acceptance of how the other person may be feeling in that moment.
Cross Check Understanding – It is important that we don’t assume someone else has understood what we are saying, so it is helpful to check for mutual understanding. Some questions could be helpful like; Is what I’m saying clear enough, or is it a bit confusing? Not sure if I’m being clear. What are you hearing? What is your understanding of what I have just shared with you? Shall we recap on what we will take away from the conversation?
Sources: Johan Cronjé, Specialist Team Coach, Intégro Learning SA; Liggy Webb, Award-winning presenter & author; CEO The Learning Architect, Life Skills Consultants